


Smoke Rings in the Dark

by Pohadka



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Song Lyrics, missed communications, winterhawk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 05:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7030528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pohadka/pseuds/Pohadka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes love sucks, when you're the only one who really feels it this way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smoke Rings in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foolishnotions](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foolishnotions/gifts).



> You're a certain kind of person and  
> I'm a different kind of man  
> I've tried to make you love me  
> You're tried to find a spark of the flame that burned and  
> Somehow turned to smoke rings in the dark

The dark was almost absolute in Clint’s bedroom. But not quite. Bucky could still make out the lines of his body beneath the sheets, the hearing aids on the shelf next to him. The archer slept in a ball, almost full fetal. If Bucky didn’t know that was his normal way of sleeping, he’d think that maybe Clint had an idea about Bucky’s train of thought tonight. 

It’d been a good date. Great even, ending up here, opening up with each other almost completely. But there was still something inside Clint that Bucky couldn’t seem to reach, and it ached in his gut that maybe he never would. He’d only ever been able to relax completely around two people, and Steve didn’t really count. Not like this. 

Everything ached these days. His body, from being awake months on end. His head, from the memory flashes that snuck up on him without warning. And now his heart, thinking that the one person he might be able to actually love, wouldn’t be able to love him back the same way.  
Bucky pulled his eyes away to find his other boot in the dark and let himself out. He headed to the roof, needing the open air to push away the claustrophobia winding it’s way around him. It was November.

 

> The night is like a dagger  
>  Long and cold and sharp  
>  As I sit here on the front steps  
>  Blowing smoke rings in the dark

Bucky rarely ever smoked these days. The nicotine couldn’t win against the serum at all for any sort of hit. But the act of smoking usually calmed him. The way the cigarette felt in his hands, the way the smoke filled his mouth before dissipating into his lungs. He used to be able to blow great smoke rings before the war. Now they were wispy things, barely holding against the wind. 

Clint had loved it, though. Anything at hand, rocks, bottle caps, Natasha’s zappers, all of them had gone airborne through the center of the rings. Right on this roof, two months ago, they had been doing just that. Then Clint had turned to Bucky. “I’ve been waiting for you to ask, you know.”

“Ask what?” Bucky had said, feeling stupid and suddenly on alert.

“To go out,” Clint replied, before leaning in to kiss the heat of the smoke out of Bucky’s mouth. 

 

> The rain falls where it wants to  
>  Wind blows where it will  
>  Everything on earth goes somewhere  
>  But I swear we're standin' still

Bucky blew out one last ring before crushing the cigarette out between his metal fingers. Maybe he was saying goodbye to that memory too, because it hadn’t panned out. Not that he really expected a miracle. Or maybe he did. Being with Clint was good, but something still held them apart. Clint always held back from him, maybe knowing that too deep was too far and that neither of them could take that. 

And it hurt too much knowing he was the only one willing to keep open for this. He’d been back in the world two years now, friends with Clint all that time, thanks to Steve. And it was either pull back now to save a friendship, or disappear completely to keep from breaking apart when things did come to an end. He’d always wanted too much, reached for it all, loved too fiercely. It had hurt then, before the war and the fall. Now, still stripped raw after Hydra’s decades of treatments, it was just too much. 

 

> So I'm not going to wake you  
>  I'll go easy on your heart  
>  I'll just touch your face and drift away  
>  Like smoke rings in the dark

 

Steve didn’t say anything when Bucky came in through the patio doors. It was after five. Sun was coming up soon, and Steve never missed his dawn run with Sam. 

He did take the time to join Bucky on the couch. Neither of them spoke. But when Bucky crumpled and turned into Steve, he just held him tight like the brother he was, let everything wash onto him without saying a word, gently brushing his fingers through Bucky’s hair while his shirt and shoulder got drenched. It didn’t last long, but it still wrung everything Bucky had out of him.

They still didn’t need to speak afterward, either. Steve had merely tucked Bucky into the couch, pillow under his head and blanket across his body, boots on the floor beside him. He was late for his run, but he still kissed Bucky softly on his head before heading out, giving him permission to stay and sleep.

#

The heat woke him up a few hours later. Heat from the sun pouring onto his face through the open back door, and the heat of a heavy body spread out on top of his. Heat from the arms wrapped around his ribs and the heat in Clint’s glare. 

He reached up with his flesh hand, watched his own fingers shake a little as he brushed Clint’s hair back. “You were supposed to stay. I was going to make breakfast,” Clint growled at him.

“I didn’t think you wanted me to.” The words fell without thinking. They earned him a quick smack across the head. 

“You’re a damn fool, Barnes.” That was true, but it didn’t stop Clint from kissing him hard. It only took a moment for Bucky to rise up to meet him in the second kiss. The heat did wonders for the ache in his heart. He finally found that moment he’d been looking for, where there was no ache at all.

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of a birthday fic for someone who's not really so Foolish after all!
> 
> ~~~  
> Hadn't heard this song in a long time, and when I did, I caught a glimpse of a broken hearted Barnes feeling this way.  
> [Gary Allen - Smoke Rings in the Dark](https://youtu.be/lYdXesvlGyU)


End file.
